I decided to do this because of its relevance to some very important people in my life. I made this blog back in 2007 during which I found myself lost and in despair. While writing this article I came to realized that there was nothing to be miserable of and that I am not really lost. I just lost track of my directions in life but the way back to right path is there in front of me.
This is about ambition, dream and career that seem to be elusive.
Recently, I have friends who did not make it in the Bar Examination of 2009. For them, the way to that coveted prefix in their names, ATTY., remains an ambition that never came into realization. Is this really their fate? Or is there a divine plan that was fore laid upon them and they just don't know it yet.
To my friends, this blog is for you.
Time Table
January 29th, 2007 by natziphil
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted something and you really wanted it so badly? For whatever reason, whether you need it or simply want it for the satiation of your worldly needs.
I have been reaching for my ambition too long a time and it seems to me that this reaching of ambition process is taking me for eternity. I’m now exhausted, physically, mentally, financially and emotionally, but the ambition never realized.
Sometimes, I blame a lot of people. Becoming a lawyer is a mind set. My family, relatives and friends have conditioned my mind and made me believed that I should become a lawyer. Often, I asked myself, is this really my dream or some others' dream for me. Unfortunately, it is now too late to finally make a dream that suits me well, in accordance with my means and talent. I’ve reached this far and to blame someone else is foolishness. Besides, this is likewise my true ambition, which I nurtured and dreamed of since childhood. Hence, I have only myself to blame and no other.
My everyday life is a continuous struggle. I kept this battle for so long but it never made me a good soldier. What good this life’s upheaval has brought me then? Did it make me a better person? Nah, I could not tell. It’s too presumptuous to say that I have become a better person. Perhaps, I’ve gained self confidence yet self confidence cannot be equated to a good person.
I am now confused. I wanted to pursue the career in the practice of law but the way to attain that career is very difficult. I have reached this point in life where I am burned up. I don’t want to study anymore. Just a glimpse of my books annoys me. I easily get irritated.What is happening to me?
Taking three hours sleep is a luxury. I have to study at night until the wee hour in the morning. My social life is curtailed with too many responsibilities in my job and in school. Heavens! this is too much.
Is giving up a right thing to do? I don’t think so. This, notwithstanding, my heart is determined to fulfill my dreams. I would not take all these frustrating incidents in my life if I did not want to become a lawyer.
My mind may have given up but not my heart where my dreams reside. I know I will become a lawyer someday. This day may not be today but that day will come. I just know it. My heart tells me.
At times like this, when my mind and heart conflicts, who shall I follow?
My mind is rational. It is dictated by the results of the prevailing circumstances. It decides in accordance with my well being. It doesn’t have feelings. My heart, on the other hand, is very much unlike my mind, it does feel. My passion in law emanates from my heart. It isn’t rational but it is determined and enduring. Each pulsating action that it does is a surge of energy that drives me to keep pace with my ambition. My heart wields that person that I have dreamed of to become. So, it is obvious, who I chose to follow.
This is not yet my time, I have come to terms with that, but who cares. I know that God is with me in this journey. With He who guides and strengthens me I do not fear. I know by divine knowledge that He shall fulfill my dreams. My destiny awaits me in his own time.
When the things that I’m rearing in the bag seem not to go inside, I do not despair. It may not be my time yet to become a lawyer. Though the table of time is moving too slow for me at the moment I am confident that in God’ s time I shall receive it and take it with all His grace. God’s time table maybe moving on slowly but it is moving on surely.
Having stated all these, I therefore rectify my earlier erroneous statement. They are all but rubbish. Dreaming is not limited by age nor time. So long as we live and capable of it we should continue on dreaming. An ambition is an ambition until its realization. Discouragement is only for the weak. The time spent pursuing dreams may not molded a good person but surely bred a stronger one.
